I want to have your abortion
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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