thus making me awesome and them whores
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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