Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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