Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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