I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there is glitter all over my balls
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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