its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
