you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize