honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
