he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just invented taco cereal.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
