She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
