I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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