I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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