she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
