I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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