wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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