The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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