My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
