Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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