just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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