im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I could teleport
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
