The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
