Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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