You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
