just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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