I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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