i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
