Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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