I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
