I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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