new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
