This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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