so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
