The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize