You can't special order awesome
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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