smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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