Apparently you make a good broom.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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