i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
