The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Say something about gay babies.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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