North Korea, Best Korea!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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