MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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