In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
