Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
