1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
