When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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