she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
