420 ftw
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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