can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
