Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
