Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
