I can tuck mytits in my pants
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
