I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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