i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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