1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I just shit out all my problems.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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