dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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