How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
