He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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