And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
