I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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