Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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