I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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