He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
