It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
