there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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