when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
