I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
