I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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