she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
