I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
