when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
