i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
