It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
