ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it's like heaven, but drunker
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
