I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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