I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
