we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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