I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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