my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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